as i was driving home tonight my thoughts were so mixed up. i was so ecited about everything we talked about tonight. i was excited for ashley and what happend with her brother. i can see how much she really cares for people and how she is running full force after God. i have such butterflies about what was talked about. it is like that verse about how God gives you the understanding of the words that are written, that, on my own, i read that verse over and over again but i kept saying, "but was does it say 'forknew'?" and then God opened my eyes to it. it was such an "ah-hah" moment for me. a way for me to see that God places understanding in my life. i am just so amazed about what God brought out of tonight. it was like the ski retreet, when i could feel Him there. i could fill Him tonight. i cant even begin to tell you how happy i am to feel like i can finally understand about that verse. it is like when i was like eight and i had this best friend who was younger than me but her birthday was fourteen days before mine. i asked my parents how i could be older than her but her birthday was first. my parents told me over and over again, but i could not understand. and then one night i was by myself and it clicked. it could not understand before that there was a difference between the day of the year you were born and the year you were born in. anyways this whole speel is to basicly say that after you had told me what that verse meant i could not understand untill tonight, "ah-hah." i was reading back on some things i have been writting lately and i thought i would share this with you.

"to me there is such great proof that God exists in watching your own life change. people always ask for a sign from God. they want to see something that proves that God existes. as if the world wasn't enough, if you sit back and look at what God does when people give their live to Him the proof is endeniable. i think that is it so awesome that i feel convicted when i do something that God does not like. when i think back i always wanted to not care and do what all the other people were doing. now i cant help but feel like i have wasted so much time! i want to live the rest of my life for Him. God is awesome."

i dont know what God has planned for me but i know that He has changed me so much now that i have really started to follow Him. i have a hunger to read. i want to know how to live my life. i want people to hold me accountable. i want to be able to answer questions. i used to want to be a famous movie star. and now i really dont want to be famous. i dont want anything to take away from the fact that i dont do things by my self but by God. i want God to get the glory. like with blake and josh. they are awesome because of what God has done with lives, because they are so on fire for God. God is the first thing you see in them. you can tell that their lives revolve around God. i want to live my life striving to be that close to God. i dont want anyone to say to me that i did something well, but what God did through but. i owe everything to God because God gave me everything. it is awesome to know that God made me to do something great for Him. that is life with perpose. to know that God created everyone with that same ability. i feel like something big is comming soon.

by the way about my dad. please pray that i could be a witness to him because we have never really gotten along. i would like some help gatering a whole bunch of verse so show him that God loves him. and that God will never stop. pray for me that i wont stop tring either because alot of people have tried, but my dad doesn't belive that God love him or that he could ever love God.